Feel Your Feelings, Even Jealousy

Emotions can sometimes seem unfamiliar and even unacceptable - both to others and ourselves.

We may be uncomfortable with feeling a variety of emotions, whether it is anger, guilt, remorse, jealousy… and these feelings do not always evoke the most pleasant reactions from others. What does feeling jealous mean? How do you control these uncomfortable feelings? Are you a bad person?

I give clients (and myself) permission to go ahead and feel these feelings, even jealousy. Although uncomfortable, that feeling is probably telling you something important about yourself. Furthermore, it actually benefits us to go ahead and feel our feelings all the way through. True feelings bring us closer to the people around us.

Everyone feels jealous from time to time, although it has very little to do with the “other” person. Rather, jealousy is an indicator of change that needs to be made. Once you get to a place where you understand why you are feeling this way, then you have a choice to either accept yourself as you are or make a change (if you so desire).

To get to the root of your jealousy, it may be helpful to ask yourself these questions: Is jealousy based on imagination rather than reality? Could it perhaps be projection and something to work on within yourself? Is jealousy a way to punish yourself? Do you imagine that the “grass is greener?” All of these questions invite further exploration within.

When feelings of jealousy arise, do not fight it. Instead, look at it as an opportunity for self-reflection and as a gauge for your current situation. Feeling jealous could mean a variety of things. Do you struggle with not feeling good enough or as if you are unworthy? Are you feeling unseen or unloved by a partner or significant other? Perhaps someone else seems to be getting all the attention, love, rewards and success that you are craving and you end up feeling forgotten or as if you are a failure.

Jealousy could also be an indicator of a desire to control others or even the universe. Jealousy can strike when you are feeling uncertain and insecure, and it is ultimately a threat to unconditional love of self. When you are feeling jealous, you are seeing the other person as a rival or enemy and as a threat to your journey. You are then viewing life as a competition instead of as a road to personal growth. The trouble with jealousy is that it gives away your power and your attention to someone else, and then you end up resenting them. You end up searching for peace from an external source, which is a fruitless endeavor.

I have come to understand the relationship between body, mind, and feeling. I believe in acceptance and being mindfully in the present. Once you accept your feelings and “where you are at,” then real personal growth and change can begin. So if you are feeling jealous? Be jealous. Let that jealousy motivate you.

Feeling your feelings invites emotional closeness with the people around you. You deserve relationships where loved ones care about your feelings and are open to them no matter what. You deserve a relationship where you do not have to distance yourself to protect loved ones from your feelings.

So if you are feeling jealous? Be jealous. Let that jealousy motivate you.